youngfresh&new
the world is different when someone is here sharing my space with me...when I'm alone its like I'm in a vacumn, where days melt into each other all hot and sticky and shapeless. pointless.
when christopher is here I can go to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up at one too...I can eat actual meals and plan activities and see the outside while the sun is still out. I can keep my apartment clean because I kinda dig picking up after him...I keep pretty because he's here to look.
we did so much the first three days he was here it felt like even longer then the week it was...I can't remember exactly, in detail, what we did past the last couple days...mainly because he was so sick...but a lot of fun was had by all. movies on sunday night with tara and w, that I recall cause we saw that john woo flick "paycheck" and I dug it...monday was shopping for new year's eve gear. and tuesday we ran errands. and had pizza.
I guess, for posterity's sake I should record the debauchery that was new year's eve. suffice it to say its still stopped up in the folds of my brain where the alcohol I consumed has yet to evaporate...but it was a blur of stripper booty, thongs, apple martinis, kisses and hugs, blunts and blinding flashing lights, my girl emage's amazing rack, and everything in between.
I've never brought in a new year at a strip club before...actually it wasn't even crowded in there until after 2am, but the televisions were all tuned into dick clark at ten minutes until...so that, coupled with the ball dropping, my friends surrounding me throwing out dollars, and the homie dj sweet music popping moet, made for a good start to 2004. aww yea...at midnight I got to kiss christopher...at 2am we made out in w's car...if its true what they say the next 260-odd days will be satisfying.
four years ago on new year's eve traj told me he loved me for the first time...that was a great new year's too...the start of a new century and a new me. come to think of it...I've brought in the past four years with so much love...I think thats the only shit that keeps me from going crazy...because every other day is such a fuckin struggle, yo...but that's another subject for another day...
christopher woke up sick new year's day unfortunately...the next couple days were spent stuffing him with tea and cold medicine and waking up periodically during the night to feel his forehead and his back. he was supposed to go back to cleveland friday but that wasn't happening...even his mom told him to stay put. saturday he was still sick but by then I had serious cabin fever so we went down to the village for mexican food and margaritas. I told him something spicy would help him sweat his fever out...a doctor I shall never be...although it worked momentarily. we had a big long talk over rice and beans and nachos and whatever it was he had. I called him repressed...I mean, the boy is so serious and logical and focused all the time...which is okay, I have my moments too...I just want him to let go sometimes, he's only 21. he needs some spontaneity in the now because living for the future can last forever and then what do you have to look back on...
when we were on our way back home from the village, this obnoxious young girl decided to serenade (and by serenade I mean sing all wobbly and slightly, uncomfortably off-key a'la a million american idol rejects) our entire train car...to the utter delight of her just as teenaged and intoxicated friends and to the utter annoyance of yours truly. I wanted to donkey punch her. she'd already rubbed me wrong, the alabaster skinned screecher, with her incessant need to pepper, no pun intended, her speech with "nigga" this "nigga" that...so by the time she started her worst singer in the world impression I was full on igged. christopher found her amusing...in his fever induced delirium...
so he basically passed out on the bed when we finally got home...all sweaty and sore throat-y with wads of snotty kleenix thrown about him.
yesterday he went home. I waited it out at the greyhound station until they started to board...then I jetted before I got too emotional. he's always a rock when its time to say goodbye yet again...almost like he turns it all off. ahhh god I felt so like...emotional an shit, though. about to cry, feeling all shaky and tense.
the A train was pretty crowded when I was riding back to the bx...at nearly midnight on a sunday...where do they come from, these tired, experessionless new yorkers ending their weekend on a communial ride back to wherever it is they go...I wonder. sometimes I can feel the loneliness hanging in the air...how you can feel so profoundly alone surrounded by so many others. everybody got a story.
when I met people, back in the day, I used to ask "so, what's your story?" very few "got it"...those that did seemed taken aback by the question...or at least mildly defensive of it. it just seemed mad more interesting to me then "so where you from" or "so what do you do for a living"...thats the clever in me.
now I'm here again, just me, looking for a job, wondering if I should sell this diamond ring I've had since I was a child, avoiding work...happy I had eight days of the topher's company.
this needs to be the year of "don't talk about it be about it" or something.