the burgh
today was swv day. "you hurt so long...reward come to those who cry...real love, purified..."
I really enjoyed being in my ma duke's company earlier this month. I have always really digged her apartment, for one thing...its not mad big but its really comfortable and interesting...eclectic, really. a part of me feels a connection to it, as well, because so many haitian art pieces that decorated our old house are displayed in her apartment. wherever my mom is feels comfortable to me, wherever she touches, feels like it's wrapped in her...I'd dig it if she helped me decorate my apartment one day...when I can afford to splurge the way I want to. type of place where you feel like you closed off from anything negative...which is mainly why it was such a much needed trip, as stressful as it was tryin to keep my mama's head cool about her wedding. see, miss b., the aforementioned mama, is a worrywort in the classic sense of the word...she has a grey stripe of hair on her head like cruella deville (traj's mama does too, go figure), a product, I'm quite sure, of her very concentrated, self-inflicted stress. you wouldn't know it to look, she gets her hair dyed, but I know it's there. as gorgeous as she is, like annoyingly gorgeous, especially when I was little and all I wanted was to look like her, she also has a resting gasface. same shit I got. if I'm devoid of expression I look like I'm fittina mollywhop a nigga...gasface. her too. from spending a life stressing about shit, no doubt, and then passed it to me in the womb.
in any case...me and christopher spent a large portion of our first day and a half in pittsburgh telling her to chill, and that everything would be fine...that the caterer would have the food done in time...that no gnats would land in the wedding cake (gnats, yo!)...that she wouldn't trip walking down the aisle...that we didn't have to be there two hours early just to make sure everyone did what they were supposed to especially considering we'd spent three hours that morning setting the reception area up ourselves. no, mama, I don't think r.j. will oversleep his nap and unintentionally stand you up at the alter...no mama, I don't think your hair will get messed up if you sleep with a hairnet and not a scarf too...yes mama, we will be there on time...yes mama, we have our cameras...yes mama, I think everybody will have a good time.
and they did. miss b. looked beautiful and I didn't feel not one thing I thought I'd feel watching her marry someone other then my father. it was a nice day and I was sincerely pleased. she was so happy, and looked angelic, youthful, beautiful...not at all like a woman on lucky marriage numero tres. woman had me and christopher on camera duty...both of us had our digital cameras and two more disposable cameras she insisted we use as well. she even wrote out a list of what she wanted pictures of...i.e. bride & groom, bride & sisters and brothers, groom & groom's mother...so on so forth. we didn't get all of them, but we got the important shit...like the photo with my mama and my aunt and uncles. all five of them...no telling when the last time they all took a picture together was...ditto me and all my cousins. infact...we've never in history had a group photo taken. silly considering how attractive everyone is. I'm upset with my brother still for not making it...somethin about...whatever...he shoulda been there to be in the group photo. cause the next time an opportunity like that will come around is maybe when I get married...and I don't know when that's gonna be.
a few members of my father's side were there too...which miss b. was worried about at first...considering that's the "ex-husband's" fam and all. basically, she desperately wanted them to be there, but she didn't wanna disrespect them by inviting them to watch her marry another man. but shit...she was married to my father for over twenty years...family is family on both sides of my lineage. deeper then blood and the bonds of marriage...so they were there to support...including my cousin damon, his dad gangsta weeb, and his mom. and I finally got to meet his muse, nicole. that was groovy. as was being literally surrounded by maternal and paternal fam.
later that night, after miss b. and r.j. (I am far too grown to up and call him stepfather) went to their hotel to...do whatever it is just married folk do, a.k.a. shit I really don't wanna even acknowledge wherein it involves my mother...me and christopher went over damon's house to kick it. lemme tell you about the hospitality the young family exhibits...weeb and viv wanted us to eat, and though we were fine with what they had, they actually took a trip to the super popeye's to get us food. they were gone like 45 minutes too, standing in line probably, dame said. after filling up on chicken and biscuits and mashed potatoes with gravy...damn I'm hungry, ain't even get lunch today...we watched a couple episodes of def poetry on their on demand system thing. then we went back to my mom's apartment and slept like shit. it was quite the day.
sunday christopher and I just took advantage of the car we'd rented and drove across the bridge to south side. initially to get the jeans I'd purchased a couple days previous in a smaller size (they didn't hug my butt enough, and that's a no-no), but also just to waste time...it was a really gorgeous day. we stopped in an art supply store, too, and I realized for 2323987 time how much I miss being a "real" artist...the me who used to stretch my own canvas instead of opening one in photoshop...and went to sleep at night with multicolored fingertips from oil pastels. so I'ma directly get back on that tip before I lose myself...cause...I am seriously on the computer all day at work and after I get home too, handling my freelance clients and its doing bad things to my brain.
anyway, this is truly back to reality in everyway...back to my apartment which is badly in need of personality, back to my job, back to new york and subways and metrocards and grumpy muhfuckas, and the same ole shite. however, there is this place by my job, like half a block away, that I'd like to get my swerve on in one of these days...looks kinda interesting. it's a wine bar. I don't know if you can swerve in a wine bar but um...watch me now. I didn't even like wine until less then a year ago when my father visited me for thanksgiving...one of the only highlights of that hellacious visit was getting sloshed on thanksgiving night on red wine watching "boat trip". now let me tell you something..."boat trip", although not oscar-caliber a'la "jerry macguire" or "what dreams may come", is some hilarious shit, and I ain't mad at all at cuba for being a part of it...I have fond memories of that silly ass movie, red wine, and laughing with my pops.
this shit is long. if you got to the end...here, take a cookie...cause I'm not quite done yet. I got a public service announcement...and...at the risk of disrupting the vibe of this post...drop...that...beat:
I was so naive thinking that the juvenile chicken coop that used to hitch itself onto my chromed-out bumper had shook loose and gone scrambling into chickenhead land or wherever tired ass net clucks go when they object of their obsession brushes their shoulder's off. I'm not your fuckin tabloid fare, you sad sad smuts...nowhere did I say my dude fucked anybody...he'd probably be six feet under by now if that was the case...am I such a star that spreading shit about me becomes your favored activity? I spit on yall gossipy bottom dwelling smuts. and ya know what? keep reachin for the stars, namely me, cause even tricks need aspirations...as long as you eventually accept your place in life...behind me...in my shadow and my dust. you will never in this life or the next have shit over me...I choose what I want to share and every word I type gets it out into the air and atmosphere and releases me from the heaviness of it. I spit on a damn pigeon, yo. How long will you sleep troubled by the thoughts that YOU keep, the idols YOU heap, causing the destruction you reap...judgment has come, find it and return to the one...
"I don't like huny but here I am at her site"...baby I'm a star.
but can...I...live...