make me over
I am addicted to make-over/fix-it shows. monster house, the swan, trading spaces, while you were out, extreme make-over (the home edition is probably one of my favorites - it always makes me cry), queer eye for the straight guy, pimp my ride, overhaulin, american chopper...I wish there was a channel for this shit so I could watch it twenty four hours a day. it's easy for me to psychoanalyze the obsession I'm sure...there are so many facets to my own life which I feel powerless to fix; its nice to see something improved in a quick, neat 60 minutes or less.
I have got to find a way to be happy with what I've got and what I've accomplished, its imperative like the air I breathe just barely. I just live in a state of perpetual worry at the moment, mostly due to the money thing...it cost so much to move I refuse to do it again for a couple of years. I might have an on going gig though (more on that below) plus christopher got a full-time job, so that will change things two-fold. plus, I feel like I'm almost there; the more hurdles I clear the better I feel...I have this mental list of things I want to accomplish and living with christopher and getting a new apartment were fairly high up on the list. check and check. now there's winning an oscar, having a gallery art show featuring my work, and getting a tan left.
I'm stuffed up ya know...I'm always sick...think I got mono. christopher introduced me to some magical shit though, this cough/cold medicine called buckley's. it is utterly fucking disgusting though...like...salty then sour then bitter...mad puke-inducing without something to chase it (I chose alabama slammers). it works though, its like magic fix-it elixir...the motto on the box: tastes awful but it works. thing is, when I'm sick no medicine matters, I'm just sick until it runs its course...but on wednesday when we were down in the village for a late-night dinner, christopher told me to buy some at duane reede. buckleys + alabama slammers = great sex lemme tell ya (might've been helped by my new hair color too, the boy likes me with brown hair apparently). almost better then vivarin + apple pucker...but I'll let him tell that one...
so about that gig...my boy sean recommended me to his boss for a job that just opened up where he works. basically what I'd be doing would depend on what I can do...sean basically said it's the type of situation where it's not enough just to do your part, you also have to be willing to take on more responsibility as you can. as I'm already a business owner who needs very little overseeing that = my kind of shit. actually sounds very similar to the easy-going, self-starting position I was in working for sohh.com years ago...did I mention they still owe me almost 4 grand though?
so we'll see how that turns out...in the meantime...go here and hire me. I got bills to pay.
I am really into the way my tiddies feel...they've gone up like a cup size in the past few years...probably due to the fact I've gained like twenty pounds since 2000...at least half of that had to go into my breasts for real. they are really impressive. and soft.
what else what else...sitting here trying to decide if I'm cold or not...watching the "keen eddie" marathon on bravo. had a mini-epiphany as I slept...found myself barking up a wrong tree for awhile, suspecting something while somehow missing a big red bullseye. that has nothing to do with "keen eddie"...it was just one of those vague sort of non sequiturs. see, ya gotta always trust your intuition...a woman's is something crazy...sometimes its not exact, but it starts going all agape apeshit for a reason. I'm not really in the situation where approaching it would be fair right now, considering the fact that I haven't been the epiphany of good girl in the past, but I'll wait it out and watch and make absolutely sure I'm not overexaggerating.
and then there's some other stuff thats happened in the past couple weeks like I got a great book off of my wishlist from some kind anonymous soul, guerrilla marketing by jay conrad levinson...I finished designing and programming an absolutely dope lesbiana community site for the beautiful blue (please go join and support the online GLBT cause). oh and I met the crazy beautiful mary j. blige after her love & life concert a couple weekends ago. so ya know...that was sweet; she has GREAT skin...