hungry
I'm thinking about becoming a flight attendant. my mama was one before I was born...the first black flight attendant on some airline...can't recall which one at the moment. anyway, my father really wants me to get a "real" job and that's the only thing that seems interesting enough for me...a boring job would make me want to shoot myself in the head. bang baaaang he shot me down bang baaaang I hit the ground. tara thinks I'm crazy deranged to wanna be on an airplane all day but hey...I'd get to travel and make okay money. and I'd get a cute uniform. is it possible next week I'll have another bright idea? after sept 11 my dad ain't gonna go for the flight attendant thing at all...plus my mama said all the women she used to fly with look at least ten years older then she does now...the stress maybe.
its so cold here...I like the snow but damn...this is the kind of cold that makes you mad at the world...the kind that makes you curse the sky and sneer at the wind in utter disgust. I haven't left the house since friday because of the winter storm the snowstorm that bitch slapped the tri-state area like a cheap hooker on colfax avenue. haha...you're only cool enough to get that if you're from denver.
I'm gonna have a birthday party in february...I haven't had one in years. I deserve one. I think I'ma have a joint one with one of my homegirls...at the strip club preferably...so I can have a bottle of moet in one hand and a big brown ass in the other. aww man I'm so depraved and corrupt...but I have my sweet side too...on new year's eve, at midnight, I'd like to be kissing christopher and feeling his hands on my waist and smelling his good-smelling hair. he keeps his eyes open when we kiss, so I'll keep my eyes open too and look at his eyelashes. grossssssss!
about a month ago I had a meeting with a potential investor for my new company...I presented a seven page proposal to him over lunch at some fancy shee shee type seafood place in midtown. he called me a couple weeks ago and said he wanted to have a second meeting with the two of us and his best friends who were also interested in investing. I haven't heard from him since then, though...but I didn't really get my hopes up. nobody is really gonna overstand my vision until it already reaches fruition and at that point is when everybody is gonna try to be down. sick of this shit, regardless.
frustrating to think that all that stands between me and the next rung on my ladder is some fuckin money, yo...mainly because those that have it forget what its like to need it, so the rich stay rich and get their rocks off tapdancing on the heads of "the little people".
I don't even know if I really believe that I'm just type bitter right now and hungry for a way out of this rut that plagues and taunts me.
I could go for some pancakes right now. chocolate chip pancakes. but I'm on this damn metabolism plan...which is okay...I actually like baked chicken and steamed vegetables and fruit, very much infact. and I have to eat six times a day...by 9pm I don't want shit else. but sometimes I could just really go for some pancakes. pancakes light up my life.