happy holidays
what I need to do is write more often (how often do I write that)...but shit if I was on a roll for a minute. I wrote something before I left for denver, like to read it, here it go:
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I don't wanna go home, I don't wanna go home, I don't wanna go home *clicks heels three times*
natasha and gen are real lucky I love them so...cause if my best friends since kindergarten didn't beg me to go to denver for christmas I wouldn't be going at all. inevitable daily fights with my father are not what I hoped to do this holiday season...they will be promptly countered with trips to p.f. chang with aforementioned girlfriends to whine and cry over steamed rice and broccoli . as I'm picturing this, I'm using the chopsticks...its a daydream for a reason.
I...just have so much shit to do (I need that on a t-shirt, stat) including but not limited to: finishing three huge sites for my current clients, designing a flyer for a new year's eve party at the golden lady, a layout for christopher, laundry so I can pack for denver, and...christmas shopping. BLAH.
I'ma like...buy everyone's shit online and have it shipped pre-wrapped. I don't wanna hit the malls at all. I hate that feeling of desperation and capitalism so prevalent in department stores in december...and I refuse to stand for hours at the post office too trying to mail something that "may or may not get there by the 25th". I don't even have much money this year...so only mom and dad are definites. everyone else gets...love. my love. its so necessary.
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I suppose I'm glad I came home in retrospect because I got to spend time with my niece mekia, natasha, and gen. oh, and christmas was cool, too...minimal fighting. I had to actually tell my father he made thanksgiving miserable to get him to ease up on me. I made him feel really bad, though...and I never want that shit...but damn, I don't dig being the punching bag all the time (thats metaphorical, don't trip). I just didn't want to leave denver angry with tears in my eyes...cause I can't talk back or yell or say what's in my dome, so it leaks out of me in the only form it can. he doesn't know it, but he can make me cry pretty easily...an alone sort of cry...the bitter cry that doesn't make much noise...the one you do after you've ran upstairs and locked yourself in the bathroom under a guise of holding it together just fine. look, I dreaded this trip for a reason...I'm so over fighting with him about stupid shit; it makes me sad it has to be that way. don't know what's happened to me and my father's relationship over the past year...its depleted in the worst way...but he was very generous to me for the holidays and I'm grateful as always...I still maintain that its better to have a father I can't seem to get along with then not have one at all. maybe it'll be better when I'm more successful...its just a phase, maybe. I will always love him and probably always be a daddy's girl.
so I'm not gonna list what I got, thats kinda tacky.
okay okay you've pushed me...I got a louis vuitton purse...how label whorish is that? in my defense its the classic brown print not that trendy pastel or the cherry blossom bag. it's mad lovely though...its sturdy...should last forever. I got other stuff too, but I'll give the wrong impression if I list them. just know that after the hellacious economic year I've had I really deserved the shit! I did. I do.
I ended up buying gifts for my parents, my stepmom, step-sister, and oldest niece. I don't think my stepmom or step-sister really appreciated the thought behind my inexpensive but rather nice presents...but thats okay. the capitalism of christmas is alive and well and I'm used to it. my sister didn't even get me anything.
christmas day we went over to our cousin's, george and versela's, to eat dinner with them and some friends in their gorgeous mtv cribs style house in aurora. their house is dope...damn near makes me sick. ceilings that touch the sky, huge fireplaces, a pond and fountain in the back yard, two staircases, a finished basement, a home theatre...mmm...smell the money. we watched "the league of extraordinary genteleman" in the theatre after we filled up on food...dig it...fried turkey, mac & cheese, cornbread, sweet potatoe pie, mashed potatoes with gravy, string beans, corn pudding, and collard greens with hamhocks (I passed on those). I only had one plate, though...not trying to go two steps back on my metabolism plan after all the apples and steamed rice and baked chicken I've had to endure.
kids grow like weeds. my cousins kerry and grant are young men, now, no longer little boys who jump all over me and make me carry them around. at four or five years old grant would tell me he was going to marry me. I told him one day he'd deny saying that...and sure enough, he does now. kerry is twenty, shorter then grant...I told him he could get on my back for old time's sake...heavy fucker! he's a solid dude for only being 5'8". we used to play fight all the time. I mean throw bows...so to this day our parents still cast a watchful eye on us when we play fight cause one time (at band camp) it turned serious and I wailed on his ass. he didn't talk to me for like a year. but I love him to pieces...we've always been close...he wants to come to new york to chill...I told him to get at me when he finally turns 21 so we can have some real fun.
I'm disappointed it didn't snow...it used to always around this time of year...
so christmas has come and gone...new year's quickly approaches...it's about time to reflect on the remains of the past 360 odd days and try not to be too disappointed in my lack of doing anything really important. well besides say goodbye to my best friend traj whom I lost to the newness of atlanta georgia...and hello to the newness of the infamous christopher. oh and whole gang of shit in between there, too...