get by
I want this book. aaaand this book.
my boyfriend is hot. now, while I'm pretty fucking hot myself, this is an interesting position to be in. because my boyfriend is hot, because he's stupid smart, young, tall, virile, and charming, I have to deal with the fact that a few of his female friends are feeling him. granted, more then a few of my male acquaintances would jump at the chance to smash me, but they're dudes...the average man pretty much wants to smash any female he finds at least cute (this can be evidenced by the fact that your average dude could find a female completely reprehensible but if she's cute with a fat ass "she could still get it"). so I keep most of them at arm's length so as not to lead them on or encourage any out of line flirting they may want to engage in with the kid right chea. but uh...christopher's female friends, at least a couple of them, are crushing hard. yo...what can I say, I think it's mad easy to crush on him. but still, me being territorial like I am...it's like...back back bitches. I'll flip ya for real like fred fenster (cookies for you if you get that reference).
dig it though, you really shouldn't go looking for dirt...you'll get dirty. sound like a line out a mobster movie, right? or some lame detective novel...but its truth personified. can I use personified here? I've been trying to say ______ personified for a few days now and I don't think I'm using it right but it sounds pretty good and pretty serious. now...what you do when you find dirt, or at least what you maybe considered dirt, when you didn't look for it at all doesn't seem to even be a different story. you feel icky like you probably would've been a better person and lived a more fulfilling life had you not found that shit out. so my advice is just talk it out...thats my credo nowadays, don't keep it inside where it can fester and grow into something bigger then I can control. rose on "the golden girls" said she and her husband never went to bed mad at each other...not even over someone who drops shit on the floor and has some kind of block in their brain that prevents them fromo picking it the fuck up even five days later. them old broads drop knowledge, b.
I'm tryin to go to IKEA tomorrow/today (I can't really consider thursday today cause I haven't been to sleep yet, therefore its "tomorrow"). it's time to start planning out how I'ma decorate this apartment although I pretty much have most of it in my head. first step is painting though so I need to go back to benjamin moore or home depot to get more paint swatches. somethin about nice fresh painted walls makes a place looks so much doper; one of the more pricey places we saw in harlem had lavendar and mauve walls and I swear that shit looked hot to death...like a big candy box with brand new hardwood floors. more like a home without the default stark white surrounding you on four sides. I like brown earthy shit, and lots of oak wood...and I'm planning on covering the walls with my own art. too bad I don't have carpenters at my whim like on "trading spaces", that would own; I halfway considered taking a carpentry class just to learn how to do some of that shit. but anyway, its just a fantasy right now...going to IKEA that is...because christopher has to work, tara doesn't go anywhere with me anymore, lexy has to chauffer someone else around tomorrow. and li lives too far and probably has to work and/or go to school so I didn't even bother asking her. gen is in med school and returns my calls about a week after I make them so I didn't bother to ask her either. and I ain't even talked to tashia in lord knows how long. what a gip.
see what I need is a local girlfriend. not to kiss and hug on, just to kick it with. I think my life would be more complete if I had one. she has to live uptown - harlem, the bronx, or maybe even westchester/yonkers, she has to have free time for frollick around the city with me, I'd like it if she was thick like cinnamon oatmeal and at least 5'8" so we can share clothes, and the color of butterscotch candy so we can share M.A.C. make-up studio fix powder. 22 - 30 years old is a good range. no kids, yo! not that I mind kids, I love the little fuckers actually but a child would take attention away from being my girlfriend and say we have a night planned and her seed gets sick? then I'd be annoyed but I couldn't be too much annoyed cause frankly if she did end up going out with me while her shorty was ill I'd think less of her. anyway. she must be into at least some form of fine art (cause I wanna go to museums and broadway plays and shit) and she has to be at least sorta smart and quick-witted so I don't have to dumb myself down when speaking with her. I'm accepting applicants starting now.
I don't really have much else to say. blue told me to go see mario van peebles movie "badass" about the making of his dad's infamous film "sweet sweetback's badass song"...she said it was about the "shamlessly ambitious" and that she thought of me. I need something like that to light a fire up under my ass cause I don't feel ambitious beyond lazy day-pipe-dreaming. I'm no longer into writing very much, I'm not as brilliant at it as my cousin anymore, the need and hunger to do it has been greatly reduced by the stress I live with 24/7. blue also said something about the curse of the gifted...head hurts too much to recall verbatim right now but something about how those that are talented forgetting that isn't enough. blue says more good stuff in five minutes then I say in five hours.