counterfeit fives
I have been sitting at this computer for two three and a half hours now and I haven't produced not one word of any substance in this here "entry body" box until now...now I'm pressured to actually say something of substance .
it would figure I'd finally feel like writing when I'm at my most tired. plus its mad cold in here...I'm always cold, I'm reptilian. I'm cold when everyone else is just fine...it will probably take me an hour to get warm when I get under the covers.
I was about to say I slept like a baby last night but why do people say that when babies don't even sleep good; they wake up every two hours and start hollaring...so instead I'll say that last night I slept like a hibernating polar bear. hard as a muhfucka basically...I didn't even budge until at least 1pm...I haven't been that physically drained in months and months.
what exhausted me so? well saturday night I bartended at this place in central philly and the clientele was on some real ridiculoso shit...heads wanted double shots of henny and alize yet couldn't find a dollar to tip. I started to completely ignore this one particular group of kids cause they'd order eight drinks at a time then not tip, or they'd order eight drinks, then eight more and assume I couldn't keep track of how many they'd gotten...I said $27.50 and repeated their drinks back to them and it was all she wrote...fuck you pay me. anyhow I guess thats why my bartending instructors kept telling us that clubs or club-oriented bars are shittay to work in because heads don't tip in those environments. I paid to get in here and now you want me to give more money away oh hell nah syndrome. two kids tried to slip me counterfeit $5 bills...gully shit...fooled me the first time but the duncecap that gave it to me was still sitting in the same place when I found out it was fake...so I pointed him out to the bouncer and I assume he got thrown out cause he was ghost. once heads found out I was from NY it was "hey do you know any rappers?" I got asked twice if I was a stripper (apparently tall + thick + light skinned = stripper around these parts...and according to tucker a fair percentage of philly girls dance or at one time did anyway), one kid ran his hand down my face everytime I leaned on the bar so I could hear what his boys were ordering (bacardi silver and the new skyy blue stuff in the little smirnoff ice-like bottles was a big hit), this one chick tried to play me...she saw there was a strawberry daquiri sitting near one of the cash registers and was like "huny, my drink is by the cash register, erika forgot to bring it to me", so I went and got erika...and of course the chick was bullshittin, tryin to take advantage of it being mad crowded and me being new. illadelphs run game.
all in all it was an interesting experience...I've found that philly really likes "foolish" by ashanti...so much they'll request it from the jukebox 10 times in a row like it ain't shit. I've found that the trend in philly is to order a smirnoff ice, a shot of alize, drink the smirnoff down a bit, add the alize - so you can walk around with a bottle of pink shit. I've found that remembering seven drinks in a row and who needs to get helped next and adding up multiple prices in my head very quickly isn't as hard as I feared it would be once the pace gets moving...I was literally on the move non-stop from 10pm to 2:30am. and yo, all I got to say is: even if your service isn't all you expected...TIP YOUR BARTENDER. I'm getting the t-shirt made this week dammit. check it, we get your drinks, we get your 10, 5, and 5 1's for a 20, we get your 4 quarters for a dollar, we get you intoxicated and fancy free...TIP YOUR BARTENDER.
one thing I can say is this, I now know what to look for when choosing a place I want to bartend at. don't have kahlua? I don't wanna work for you...you want me to measure an ounce in a shot glass for every drink even though I've been trained to eye an ounce? that is amateurish and time consuming, so I don't wanna work for you...your clientele doesn't think its necessary to tip? I don't wanna work for you. I think I'ma stick around this place for awhile though, just to see if maybe it was that particular set of heads that were the shitty tippers...plus they're opening the other two floors in a couple weeks and when that happens I'll be working on the second floor where the dancers will be, in a psedo VIP area...that might be more profitable.
I think I'm going to be marilyn monroe as lorelei lee in "gentlemen prefer blondes" -ish at the job from now on...I like to be underestimated...and if heads think you're ditzy you get away with more...you overhear more too cause they think you're too dim to comprehend what they're saying. I'll call this a character study. muahahahaaaaa...
all in all there is so much change happening in my life right now, but everything has been so same ole same ole with me for so long I welcome all this change...even if it is happening all at once. its overwhelming in a way because I feel rushed to produce results fast. I have some heads that I want to be there for...its my turn to help out those who invested so much time and love into me...I miss you, traj. but sometimes change can create something new and better...change is evolution.