chocolate city, usa
I have written brilliance in my head and then lost it because I couldn't find a pen or open notepad before something loud made a sound or something bright or pretty stole my attention...my memory about the brilliance I think up randomly is like memento...if I don't grab it, its gone and I can't even remember it was ever really there. so I'm reduced to writing about everyday sort of shit which, I suppose, is ok too...but nothing thats gonna win me national recognition or a pulitzer prize or an invite to oprah.
I don't feel pretty lately, which is crazy cause I figure, being all with child and mother earthy, I should feel gorgeous and glow. instead I feel like a fatass and my forehead is breaking out like it never has...I've never ever had bad skin. so I cut bangs. which are kinda mod and good looking on me, rather, but still. my belly is swollen yet moisturized as I rub an oscene amount of cocoa butter on it everyday from my huge vat o'cocoa butter to prevent the surplus of stretch marks that accompany pregnancy. I kinda wanna be one of those fly preggo women who still wear knee-high boots and leather skirts but already I just feel nothing more then the thought of living in sweaters and adidas track suits and bubblegoose coats all fall and winter long. I don't even feel like doing my hair, so its back to ponytails, which is just lazy and defeats the purpose of cutting it all cute anyway.
oh baby youuuu, oh baby meeee, oh maybe weeee...I like the way alicia keys purrs that song, it arouses me. me and topher work so much the wild frantic bed-breaking love making has come to a momentarily halt. it's not dope. my dude is motherfucking sexy to me, yo, getting all responsible and ready for fatherhood an shit...all I wanna do sometimes is just...feel him all over up inside me. he is the sex. peanut butter colored, soft lips and dredlocks havin sex. we're both always tired and stressed out, though, even moreso now because while we were in DC this past weekend this 14 year old piece of garbage shit fuck kid that was at my brother's house stole $350 cash out of my bag and refuses to fess up to it...his mother won't investigate, look through his pockets or receipts to prove it, either, because as she said "my boy said he didn't do it and I believe him". I despise with a passion these sort of grotesquely irresponsible parents living in selfish denial, refusing to recognize that their children are suceptible to the influence of all the deep dark bad things in the world. so now I have to press charges, something I really didn't want to do, but I could've never imagined how much this would bother me. outside of small things, no one has ever really stolen anything from me before, especially out of my own family's house...I feel violated in a way that makes me feel violent. instead of enjoying the train ride home from DC I cried and christopher fumed...he's protective of me, especially now, and he felt powerless. $350 is a lot of money mmkay? the theft has prevented us from paying our rent on time, its made me paranoid and surly, especially when I think about how that little fucktard bastard thinks he got away with it...buying up xbox games and kicks with my money...which was actually my dad and christopher's money. so he stole from not only my vengeful ass, but my evil, "I just want an excuse to mollywhop a nigga" boyfriend and my shaft-meets-jules winfield father. I want 5-0 to arrest this pubescent punk reggin and interrogate him until he admits what he did, preferably crying like a girl. he ain't gonna go to jail, he's a child, but I can't have him walking around like he got over on me or my family.
besides that, and not getting to see c or my boy monte, I really had a good time in DC. I even enjoyed the train ride...amtrak is kinda posh, at least compared to greyhound...snack car, lots of space, clean, fast, no stop lights an shit. better then the plane, even...but just as expensive. because christopher and I had to work friday, we didn't even leave until 6pm...thus getting us into DC's union station after 9. chad and tina picked us up and the four of us immediately went to the restaurant we were meeting my dad and stepmom, who were also in town, at, plus the rest of the DC/MD/VA based youngs - an italian jump off where everyone knew my brother and the staff seemed extra happy to see him. business owners love good cops for keeping their establishments safe...and he probably tips good too, as do I...we being products of good tipper ron shaft winfield. while we were waiting on the last cousin to arrive, chad and I went to the strip club a few doors down so he could introduce me to more of his business owner friends...also ecstatic to see him. the nekkid strippers too...cause ya know, they take it all off in DC.
dinner was smashing...expensive, though. since there were 14 of us we just split the bill 14 ways - which came to $37 per person. did I ever mention how the youngs eat? like starvin marvin, apparently. kinda made me wish I had the lobster or something...wouldn't have raised the per person price but a couple dollars or so. yea...next time...cause if you can't take advantage of family, who can you take advantage of?. my cousins all put their palm on my tummy, too...the international symbol for "so, I understand theres a fetus in there? I am happy for you"...and maybe thats why there was no barfing that night...beans has enough manners, even at only three months in my womb, not to make ma dukes barf while with family. raising this kid right, I tell ya.
this is the hotel we stayed in. it was crazy beautiful. and cheap as a result of the chad hook-up. I think it was about then, as my eyes made a sweep of the extravagance, I realized my brother is pretty much a don in the nation's capital. by now, unfortunately and however, the effects of the slight cold I'd caught the night before had progressed into a full blown soar throat and snotty nose fest so I really didn't get to enjoy it the way I wanted to. minutes after my brother left us in our rouge colored room I fell into an uncomfortable, cold medicine induced half sleep...didn't get to sex my boyfriend against the velvet curtains or anything. might as well have been at the comfort inn. shit.
saturday we finally got to see my brother's kids. if I was apprehensive about going through with my pregnancy before, I wouldn't be now after getting kissed and hugged and jumped on and smiled at by my 3 year old twin nephews. they are beautiful and funny in a way that would annoy anyone with an unattractive child (stop it...nothing wrong with my saying that...not all kids are cute...its just a fact). they're little baby carbon copies of my brother and each other; if noah's lip didn't have a scar on it (apparently he just walked into a table...thus proving they also have my brother's knack for hurting himself) and if isa wasn't just a little shorter, I wouldn't be able to tell them apart at all. chad picked me and topher up from the hotel around 1pm so we could see my nieces asya and pilar at their cheerleading pep rally. I got emotional...cause...I just love those little chicks and seeing them back handspring and flip around all peppy made me really happy they're related to me, even if cheerleaders, at any other time, make me sick. actually all the little girls were beautiful; it's like theres cute juice in the water in DC. or maybe my maternal instincts are already off the charts and I've been reduced to nothing but a mushy cooing ooh and ahh-ing soft ass and I just love all kids right now...ya know...pre-being awoken 5 times a night but a hungry, cranky newborn who wants nothing more then for me to attend to his/her every baby whim. it was love at first sight, the kind only a 5 year old can manifest, when I introduced pilar to christopher, too...she just developed the most insane crush to the point where I was practically ignored. after we left the pep rally we went to my cousins chrissy and doug's house and pretty much camped out there for the rest of the evening with popeyes chicken and negril patties and coco bread...cause...my family likes to eat, remember. chad drove us back to our hotel much, much later...45 minutes from bowie back into DC...and in true don fashion, took me and topher in another strip club for just half an hour or so to say hi to his people. then we dropped by cvs and, determined not to spend another night with flu-like symptoms, I got nyquil, breathe-right strips, and cough drops. look, I know I'm not really supposed to have mad medicine but come on...if anything is worse then constant nausea its not being able to breath or swallow and being nauseous. I slept much better that night and had dreams about christopher and the day we had...and how it just basically confirmed that kids love him like I always knew they did.
sunday we were scheduled to leave, but chad convinced us to stay until monday...neither of us had to work. now...this was a good and a bad choice, in retrospect...good because I finally got to see my brother's new place and spend more time with my nieces and nephews, bad because this was the day that kid walked in my brother's house to visit and stole my money while I was downstairs saying hello to his daft bitch of a mother who I was really only bothering to say hi to in the interest of being polite. see, I'd love to go into even more detail about this but I won't...unless, of course I don't get my shit back. then I'm putting their full names and pictures all over this bitch. ya know, to get some kind of closure...so I don't have to keep negativity inside. thats the ticket.
anyway, that wraps up that adventure. now it's almost friday again. nothing to do this weekend but sit around and maybe catch up on some work. and figure out how I'ma find another $350 until that waste of flesh and veins thief's mother is forced to give it back to me out of her own pocket. and find the super in my building so I can get another mailbox key. and eat stuff. since thats how we youngs do.
thank you for all the nice stuff said in my last entry's comments, too, as well as the private emails I've received...me and christopher and our shorty-to-be really appreciate the blessings.