absent minded
I took a bath for the first time in maybe two years...ahhh shit it was grand. I have the perfect tub for soaks...its an old fashioned tub, real deep, high on the sides. when I fill the water all the way to the top it comes right up to my chin.
it's been so cold in my apartment...I had to bury myself in hot water. now I feel euphoric and tingley. I smell like baby lotion and coconut conditioner...someone needs to be here to smell me.
its becoming exceedingly difficult for me to keep everything together by everything I mean my life in general...I have to contantly write myself lists just to remind myself to pay bills...and eat. I'm a workaholic in the worst way and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, its a pattern I have to shake quick fast...watch yourself...shake it fast...show me what you workin with [insert harlem shake here]. see there, I can't even finish a thought without the soundtrack to it distracting me.
I feel like I've said distracting, distracted, or some other conjugation of 100 times today alone.
blah, I want to be the sort of person who sends thank you notes and holiday greeting cards cause remembering birthdays and anniversaries is like second nature to me just like peeing in the morning, talking to myself, and photoshop. the type who sends letters and pictures...real ones you hold in your hand and shake* like a polaroid picture...I wanna be the one who remembers everyone's birthday. the one who calls my cousins just to say hi and not just to see if they're going to the family reunion...the one who remembers who the hell kelly so-and-so from high school was when natasha mentions she saw her in so-and-so mall or restaurant.
(* how many more times can I say shake, too? damn my thesaurian like grasp of the english language is fading fast...stop laughing..."thesaurian" means thesaurus-like or thesaurus-ish in my own fantasy world where "conversate" is also a real word cause biggie said so.)
but like I was saying, entire weeks pass and I wonder where they went and what I did. shit, I have a non-response notice from my landlord because I didn't sign the new lease yet...mainly because I forgot but also because I'd hoped to move by now...unfortunately money won't be right for a couple months yet, though. at which time christopher is supposed to be moving up this way too so we'll see what happens. I also got referred to a collections agency for $26.88. apparently to verizon. funny considering my phone bill is paid...so I have no clue where that shit even came from.
I don't balance my checkbook...I just always know about or around how much is in there. monthly shit comes out automatically and every month, on schedule, I'm somehow surprised when it happens. like "oh they still insist on charging me for electricity? fuck."
remember when I said I thought having a cut on my lip was sexy? do I remember saying that? was that even me that said that? anyway, my lips are so sore they're swollen...they were chapped, but not the crackhead kind of chapped...chapped like I can feel they're chapped but it doesn't show yet. I've had chapstick on all weekend and they're still sore. kind of in a beestunk way. maybe in some way this is sexy too.